When You Have the Courage to go beyond just Dreaming about Real Life Change...
... to Really Free Yourself and Start Living the Life You Truly Want...
...then I am Ready to Guide and Support You on Your Journey! Ankur
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Real Self : True Purpose
The Newsletter of Ankur Coaching December 2008 / January 2009
In this Issue
Feature:
Are Your Emotions Real? How society doesn’t let us be our real selves and what you can do about it.
Upcoming Workshops
Awakening your Inner Child
Healing Your Inner Child
Discovering your Own Meditation
New Year Special Offers:
30% OFF! Save £200 off theFree My Life Coaching Programme. First 5 new clients only. You must reserve Your place by 11 January 2009.
FREE Active Meditation
Are Your Emotions Real?
One thing I notice repeatedly in workshops and meditations I facilitate is the resistance some people have to admitting to themselves (and others) that they are not a perfect bundle of love and joy all of the time. For them it is quite a shock to be told that it is OK to be Sad, Angry or to Cry as well as to be Love and Happiness. Not surprisingly, often their first instinct is to reject it and then maybe accept that it is OK for others but not OK for themselves!
Somewhere along the line they have picked up these beliefs, maybe from their parents, and maybe it has been reinforced by society in general. Of course, society doesn’t often openly say ‘Don’t be Sad’, ‘Don’t Cry’ or ‘Don’t be Angry’ but it is hidden in many messages we get ranging from Government measuring ‘Happiness’ and how it is ‘good’ to be happy, to the social embarrassment of a friend crying or being angry in the street. In fact, almost everyone reinforces that it is ‘OK to be Happy’ but not ‘OK to be Sad’ by their unconscious words and actions, such as saying ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Cheer up and give me a smile’ when that clearly isn’t the emotion that needs to be expressed right then.
I am certainly not saying that being sad or angry is better than being happy but, as human beings, all emotions naturally arise in us from time to time, not just the ones we have chosen to label ‘good’. Expressing Joy and Love is unbelievably fantastic and an abundance of these qualities lies deep beneath our everyday emotions. But to connect with them we need to go deeper. How? By first simply connecting with yourself and notice how you actually feel deep down in that moment, and allow yourself to be exactly that. Totally accept that however you feel is real for you and just allow it to be there in that moment. Recognise that, in that moment, this is ‘you’ (or more accurately a collection of you and all the emotional baggage you have picked up throughout your life). And totally express and release the everyday emotions that are there. Really be yourself!
Unfortunately, whilst freely expressing emotions is OK in your own space, it is not generally OK in a society which has become used to people presenting a whole range of (fake) masks, one for every situation, and it is far easier to conform to what others expect! Pity, because underneath all the layers of masks and everyday emotion there lies an abundance of real Joy, Love, Happiness, Peace etc. Real because it isn’t painted on like a mask. Real because there is no need to pretend ‘I’m good right now’ when I’m not. Real because we don’t even need to think ‘happy thoughts’ to connect with it. But first we need to express whatever is there in order to go deeper and discover the wonderful stuff that lies hidden within. But most of us don’t, simply because for our whole lives we have been trained to conform to the rules of this society which just isn’t comfortable with us being real. And we take the easy option and carry on conforming rather than breaking away from those rules and living as our real selves.
So what is the point of being real? Expressing your emotions can bring great clarity and peace within and allows you to go deeper, beyond those emotions, bringing more realisations about who you truly are. This is a path towards Your True Self - but it isn’t an instant fix so don’t expect an instant ‘cure’ - this is the start of a path of self-discovery and self-realisation of who you really are at your deepest level.
So, if you choose, you can stop all the ‘trying’ to be something you aren’t (just so you can appear to be happy to others) and give this a go:
Find a physical space where you feel comfortable;
Start ‘being’ yourself by connecting deeply inside (remove distractions, close you eyes, allow your thoughts to fall away, and just notice how you really feel, deep down, right now - don’t try to be anything different);
Be totally open and honest with yourself (don’t worry if you find this challenging);
Release and express whatever you find there (but remember do not harm yourself or anyone else, and if you feel physical anger, hitting a pillow is better than smashing up the room);
Notice how you feel deep inside afterwards - you may notice peace or clarity beneath any remnants of the emotion you expressed. The more you do this the more you will notice.
Then when you have the courage to go beyond the fear of letting others see who you really are, you can start being truly be real when others are around. Just be aware that other people may be offended if, for example, you express anger at them or when you are with them (this is their issue - yours is the one you are expressing - but they probably won’t be aware of this) so take it one step at a time. Maybe start by simply being honest with them and telling them how you feel.
If it feels like some more guidance and practice on being your real self could be useful see the ‘Upcoming Workshops’ below and ‘Free My Life’Coaching Programme.
All at London College of Spirituality, Holborn, London All these workshops are Experiential (not just teaching theory)
Awakening Your Inner Child - One-day workshop - Sun. 8 February or Sat. 28 March 2009. Discover the real you by reconnecting with your forgotten child and recognise the effect your child has on your life as an adult. Then start to heal the wounds so freeing you from your past.
Healing Your Inner Child - Two-day workshop - Sat. and Sun. 25 and 26 April 2009. Become more aware of the real you by going deeply into your inner child’s space and healing your inner child’s wounds with awareness and expression. (Awakening Your Inner Child must be completed first.)
Discovering Your Own Meditation - One-day workshop - Sat. 31 January or Sat. 9 March 2009. Connect with Yourself and integrate Meditation into Your everyday life by discovering what works for you.
Special Offers
30 % OFF! Save £200off the ‘Free My Life’ CoachingProgramme - This Special Offer is only available until 11 January 2009 and for the first 5 new clients. For full details see Free My Life Programme
FREE Active Meditation - I am offering a free Osho Active MeditationTM to first time attendees at the course I am running at London College of Spirituality in Holborn. Meditations start Tuesday 6 January and Tuesdays thereafter starting at 7.15pm until 9pm. The meditation last 1-hour with full explanation before and a short sharing afterwards. For full details and to reserve your place see Osho Active Meditation at London College of Spirituality
For more information, check out the rest of this site - specifically:
How Superficial are You? Tackling the biggest barrier to Spiritual Progress
Special Offers
FREE Active Meditation - I am offering a free Osho Active MeditationTM to first time attendees at the course I am running at London College of Spirituality in Holborn. Meditations start Tuesday 2 September and every Tuesday thereafter starting at 7.15pm until 9pm. The meditation last 1-hour with full explanation before and a short sharing afterwards. For full details see Osho Active Meditation at London College of Spirituality
£100 OFF ‘Free My Life’ Programme - Special Offer for 3 weeks only (email me by 21 September to Reserve Your Place). For full details see Free My Life Programme
FREEBreakthrough to Success A Brilliant 3-day Course with Chris Howard - Get two tickets worth a total of £1790. Find out the "Missing Ingredient" that stops you from having all the wealth, vital health, deep love & profound happiness. Running in 2008 in UK in:
London, September 19-21 Dublin, October 17-19 Also in USA, Australia and New Zealand (click on link below for dates).
Yes, it really is free (they generate income by selling follow on courses but always sell to the whole group - there is no 1 to 1 or high pressure selling). I can personally highly recommended it having attended this course in London last year. For details and to get your free tickets follow this link: ukbts.asp-cli=CLA1007371
Feature: How Superficial Are You?
Perhaps the biggest barrier we face as spiritual seekers is the ease with which we can fall into the pretence of the superficial world of Love, Peace and Joy.
Don’t get me wrong; the world that our spiritual teachers almost universally ‘sell’ us does exist. And the qualities such as Love, Peace and Joy are there in abundance. There is nothing superficial about that; unfortunately nearly all of us aren’t there yet.
What is superficial is when we TRY to feel love, joy or peace because then we fall flat on our faces. Take this simple example:
I feel angry with a particular person.
I then remember what my teacher said, and think ‘I shouldn’t feel anger, I should feel love for this person’.
So I ‘go inside’ and try and find love for this person, and maybe I do, but in focussing on love, I have suppressed the anger.
It would be nice to think that in connecting with love, the anger would just float away on a cloud! It doesn’t.
In a situation where you feel an emotion, anger for example, you have three choices:
Suppress it. The unresolved anger may seem to disappear, it hasn’t it has just been pushed into your subconscious. Your subconscious will put it with all your other suppressed anger and present it for resolution at a future time when triggered by some event. With practice this can be done with a minimum of conscious effort but the emotional effort is significant, as the subconscious will repeatedly present the ‘heap’ of suppressed anger for resolution until you deal with it.
Half-heartedly suppress the anger thinking I don’t want to feel angry, and allow it to hang around for hours or days before eventually ‘forgetting’ about it (suppressing it). This is the one that most people take most of the time because it requires the least conscious effort; subconsciously it involves more emotional turmoil than the above.
Sit with it. Watch it. It’s OK to be angry. Allow it to be there. Go deeper into it. Really feel it. Experience it. Become it totally. Express it if you are in a physical space where you can; if not, just feel it totally. In short: Be Real, this is the biggest challenge. When it is ready it will go; allow that release. You may find a calmness and clarity arise to ‘replace’ it. If anger returns at any stage then it has not been fully experienced or expressed, so repeat the above.
This applies to any emotion or feeling that arises. Whatever it is, by allowing it to be there totally you can experience it and allow it to go.
Trying to feel a particular way is destructive. Holding on to the ‘good’ emotions or stopping the ‘bad’ ones is an example of you trying to be something other than you are in that moment. Instead, just allow whatever is there to be there.
If you want to ‘hurry up’ the process it is possible, though not by yearning after love, joy or peace, but by using a technique like Self Enquiry that allows you to go more deeply into whatever is there for you in that moment. Qualities such as Love, Joy and Peace will arise by themselves once enough of your lifelong suppressed emotions have been released.
Do You feel challenged by this? If so, then great! It’s OK to feel challenged. Stay with the feeling of challenge and go deeper into the feeling (don’t get lost in the mind thinking about it). Being challenged in one way of moving forward on your path.
If you don’t feel challenged then maybe you were already fully aware of this, or you have had an ‘Ah-ha’ moment, or maybe you have just thrown it away because you just aren’t ready for it yet. And if that challenges you, then allow yourself to be open and go back and read it again…
Welcome to this new format Newsletter which is based directly on my website.
My aims are for it to:
Be Easily Accessible
Produced Monthly
Containing High Quality items that
Give You Great Value
Whilst being short enough to hold your interest!
This month:
Giving it Away (Literally!) - Check out this month’s Free Offers - worth a total of £1860.
What is Spirituality? The Inside Track...
I hope you find it valuable... Let me have any feedback...
Special Offers
F.R.E.E. Spiritual Coaching - I am offering a free Spiritual Coaching Session (worth £70) to anyone who is interested in finding out more about Spiritual Coaching and how it could help them transform their lives. Email me by the 31 August if you are interested.
F.r.e.e. Breakthrough to Success 3-day Course with Chris Howard - Get two tickets worth a total of £1790. Find out the "Missing Ingredient" that stops you from having all the wealth, vital health, deep love & profound happiness. Running in 2008 in UK in:
Manchester, August 8-10 London, September 19-21 Dublin, October 17-19
Also in USA, Australia and New Zealand (click on link below for dates).
Yes, it really is free and I can personally highly recommended it having attended this course in London last year.
From my work as a Spiritual Coach and teaching at the London College of Spirituality it is clear that the concept of Spirituality confuses many people even at the most fundamental level. So I have revisited my experience to find some simple words that may help define it for you and I offer some suggestions about how you can start to go deeper...
Many ‘spiritual seekers’ get so consumed by all the ‘stuff’ that surrounds spirituality, the beliefs, rituals and practices, they end up lost in a haze of thought and activity and maybe even end up on a ‘spiritual’ ego trip which appears promising but which is going nowhere. In short, they completely miss the point.
Spirituality is not about your thoughts, your actions or even your beliefs. You may have spiritual beliefs, but the essence of spirituality is beyond that.
Spirituality is simply what leads you back home to yourself. More specifically, spirituality is what leads you to the truth of who you are in any moment, the true self. And since anything that comes from outside you is not you, the focus must be inward. It’s just you becoming you. It’s that simple.
So why do so many people get so sidetracked by the stuff? Primarily because looking at stuff with our minds is far easier and less challenging than looking inside with awareness and checking out who we truly are and what is really there for us in any moment. Especially as what we find is often not attractive!
Instead, it’s easier to ignore what’s real, and dive into our mind created ego to slip on a mask from our elaborate and extensive collection, which gives the image we want to portray in any given situation. Because in our society, it is regarded as more important to portray the ‘right’ image than to reveal who we really are. Why else would we spend most of our time peeping deviously from behind an aura that we proudly show, not only to fool others but also to convince ourselves we are something better (or sometimes something worse!) than who we think we are?
The irony is that we are all a whole lot ‘better’ than we think we are, but that true part of us has been covered up by the very same mind created ego that now portrays a false image.
To go beyond this and unravel your truth you need to start looking inside and be open to whatever you find there, even if it something you do not like, such as sadness, anger or fear. Being honest with yourself is challenging, but there is no advantage in delaying starting right now.
So how do you start to connect with you at a deeper level?
Firstly you have everything you will ever need – the true You (which is always there but is under a pile of your ‘stuff’) and some Awareness (the more you can gather the better).
Secondly, connect with inside. Put all your attention on how you feel in that moment. If it is blocked by thoughts you can ‘drop’ them by simply not giving them any energy or attention and allowing them to go (don’t fight, hang on to or suppress thoughts). More thoughts may arise... keep doing the same and soon gaps will be revealed between thoughts.
Thirdly, just notice how you are feeling in that moment. Whatever is there is Real for you in that moment… it is unlikely to be the True Self just yet but at least you are looking in the right place.
Lastly, start to notice when you act differently to what is real for you in any moment, and ask yourself for what purpose you are choosing to act differently, and how ideally you would like to act. What’s really stopping you being you and having what you really want?
Being Real is not always easy in our society, but, as your awareness grows, your behaviour will change. This awareness is the driving force of your journey towards yourself. This is spirituality in action - you are treading the right path…
